SB Spam and Cover Copy contest

A pox upon SB Sarah, I say! Yesterday afternoon, SB Sarah posted a new contest: select one of the random spam titles on a list, then write a back cover blurb based on the words in the title. One of the titles jumped out at me, and I've had this melodramatic announcer voice in my head reading me a cover blurb ever since. So I have to write it out now, in the hope that once it is written down, I'll stop hearing the announcer-voice. Damn you, SB Sarah! Making me hear voices in my head! After I've gotten it written out, I'll post it here :)